The Danger Game

Walking into the school , I was exited for the DANGER GAME  . I am against my friend Lory . When I entered the school and notice that the floor was all white . It was time.There were a maze it was confusing I was lost but then there were blue sparks leading me to the end of the maze . Next there were swimming  pool I swam then I got up and saw fire!! the flame were red then BAAM!! “you won the danger game come back tomorrow to get the trophy!!” we celebrated the whole evening I was so tired I got home.

3 thoughts on “The Danger Game”

  1. Hey, cool idea. However maybe you could explain to the reader what a danger game is? It sounds quite exciting. Also some of your sentences seem a bit confusing so it makes the story quite hard to follow.
    ‘As I was walking into school, I felt excited about the danger game.’
    ‘This year I am competing against my friend Lory’
    ‘When I entered the school, the floor was completely white… it was time.’
    ‘When the games began, I found myself lost in a maze. Luckily blue sparks led me to the finish.’

    Just some suggestions, you need to read your work out loud in order to work out whether it makes sense to your reader. Its the same for any writer, as sometimes an idea may be clear to you but you need to make it obvious to your readers what you mean. You need to use commas and make sure that you haven’t left out words, so that the meaning of your sentences is clear.

    Best of luck.

  2. Puifai,
    I think the way you used all of the featured words was creative. Is ‘THE DANGER GAME’ a real game?
    I hope you can have fun, but also stay safe. I could picture BLUE SPARKS leading you to the end. What a relief!
    Keep Writing.
    Mrs. G., Team 100, GES, Guilderland, NY, USA

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