My Secret

On Wednesday morning, I will go to Fashion Island with my friend. When my friend came to my house we quickly go to Fashion island. I have a secret that I am allergy of crab. Suddenly my friend said ” today I want to eat crab”. I needed to go with them. I just couldn’t eat something so can I go home please. “Yes” said my friend. “But tell me why”. “I am allergy of crab”. When I tell my friend she take me to McDonald. When we eat McDonald my friend said” I am allergy  of fish” she whisper. When I go home  I quickly went to my bed room.

10 thoughts on “My Secret”

  1. your punctuation when you put [tomorrow I will eat crab] was incorrect because your inverted commas were the wrong way round
    your idea/plot was very good.

  2. We like your blog because you have used direct speech and not only reported speech.We suggest you try as hard as you can to improve your punctuation

  3. I like your paragraph because it has a simple plotline but you could improve it by putting it in the right tense.

  4. we love how you include MACDONALDS and crab:):)
    with speech you need a comma after the speech marks and before the words and speech marks go sixty sixes then ninety nines (66 99) (” “)

  5. We really liked the plot behind your very impressive piece of writing. But as we were reading this extract we noticed a few grammar mistakes, we thought that you could perhaps practice those mistakes. Great writing !!!

  6. I like your plot but I think you can use better vocabulary.
    I also liked the way how you put capital letters for Mcdonalds and Fashion island.

  7. We liked the way you had a plot for the friend in the story as well as the main character. We think you could have used the starter sentence, prompt, in a better context. Overall it was very good and enjoyable to read.

  8. i like your plot line and how you used all the correct grammer for speech

    you need to check you punciuation for the speech and bit less speech because it gets a bit confusing

  9. Maybe just check your punctuation.
    I really like your use of vocabulary:] !!!!
    Well Done.

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