It came

I shouted at her. I called her name. She didn’t turn around. It came.

You probably don’t understand the first part but you’ll get it later on. So one morning, my friend Ally and I waked through the graveyard, holding our breath. Yeah. We do believe the superstition. Anyways….  Ally couldn’t take it. She took a breath and let in the misty air. This had never happened before. Her eyes turned a deep crimson and she turned wildly. I looked frantically for help but nobody was here. I knew we were in grave danger. But then, it came. It surrounded us from every side. There was nothing I could do.

2 thoughts on “It came”

  1. Hi Natalie,
    I loved your piece because it was so descriptive and very interesting. I could actually see it in my head. I also liked how you bolded the words so that I knew that you used them. I actually wrote about the same piece but I couldn’t post it because I was in Minnesota. But yours was very good it was better than mine. One thing you could work on is maybe check if the piece is 100 words because it is 110 words. The rest of your story was very good.

    Happy Writing,
    Mackenzie in Illinois
    Come check out my blog https://kidblog.org/class/rays-1718-pm-rockstars/posts/51uzzx3rg51zludaic61cxdv1 I couldn’t send you the one I did because I was in Minnesota.

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